I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!
January 30, 2014
How is your marriage doing, are you still happily married?
As those of you in married relationship know; when you quarrel with you partner, it takes from your day's happiness. There is nothing as debilitating as strife in ones's home, as this is the place where you have to be and feel safe and secure.
We all fall short and it is only by God's grace that we can boast in anything. Our lives and hearts are truly in His hands and we have to allow God to shape and form us to His Will and Plan for our lives. His idea for our days are that we should prosper, enjoy and live each one to the fullest with joyful hearts, being instruments that He can use and Lights that Shine His Awesome Love to others.
It is God's greatest Commandment that we Love Him with our everything and others as ourselves.
Matthew 22:35-40 NIV
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
We need to read and refresh our minds regularly on everything that is written in the Bible on LOVE as it is the most important commitment and action required of us.
I am not in your situation and do not know all your struggles nor have a full understanding of your marriage's state, yet I would like to share some thoughts and reminders that are very important to consider. I do believe that our marriages have different seasons and yours might be doing great or going through a difficult time where you should stay calm and trust God to work out the issues you cannot solve. Marriages are God ordained, sacred and a blessing. We should not forget that our enemy, Satan is a liar and thief wanting to destroy and steal from us. We need to be on guard making sure we are prayerfully doing our part, keeping our minds and lives clean from the thoughts and things which will pollute, bind and keep us captive.
Our families have so much to be thankful for being blessed financially, intellectually and with great health. Our focus should be on the One Who gave it all to and for us and how we could live our lives to honour Him.
Remembering that it's of utmost importance to place a guard before our mouths and to think before you speak. God's Word tells us that words either bring life or death and that a words are as sharp as a two-etched sword. We have all experienced the hurt someone's words cause us or the regret of saying something that hurt another deeply. We need to choose our words wisely, for they have immense power in our lives, our children's and that of others around us.
It is very hurtful to continue to bring up old hurts and wounds and accuse and blame with every new quarrel, especially when the other person has already said sorry. We need to forgive and forget. God instructs us to do so and His word clearly tells us that we will only be forgiven in the same way which we have forgiven. We all have been forgiven much and Jesus suffered and died so that we can be free. We need to forgive AND forget and I believe: not talk about the past too much, or else we might start feeling anger and resentment towards another again.
As any other child, I never liked when my parents argued or had a fight and the things that were said would bother me for days and years and even affected my own relationships as a young adult. If you have children, remember that your children are 50% you and 50% your spouse and they connect themselves with both of you, so when you talk negatively about the another, they feel badly about something of themselves too. Be very careful how you talk to and treat one another in front of your children. They listen to you, they look at you and they remember. Children follow your every move and take more of you into their minds and hearts than you could ever imagine. One day, without realiseing they will start to copy you in their ways and relationships. Therefore it is very important for us to be wise with our words, in our decisions. We should be doing our best to be good examples that our children can mirror, we should admit our mistakes and failures and help them learn from it.
In the beginning when we are in love with our partners, we look at one another and dream wonderful lives of happiness together. We begin well choosing our words carefully and telling the other how wonderful, beautiful and loved they are. We should not stop. Think about all the things you used to and still love about your spouse and tell them again. Focus on the positive, the best and remember those first happy times you spent together. Forget the mistakes you think the other made, forgive the things they have been wrong in and decide to keep on loving them just as they are.
We cannot change another, but we can ask and allow God to change us.
This is how I believe we should treat our spouses in marriage, as well as others:
Love one another.
Respect one another.
Treat one another in the same way that you would like to be treated.
Think and believe and say only the best to and about each other.
Spend quality time with one another.
Lovingly touch each other.
Encourage each other.
Praise one another's efforts.
Protect each other.
Put the other first.
Believe in each other.
Pray together and pray for each other.
God can heal our wounds. He embraces us with His unending Love and sent us Jesus as an example of how we should love in return.
When we let God into our marriages and let Him help us be better, there will be no stopping our joy.